Hi. I'm Katie. I'm really bad at introductions so just bare with me. I'm 14 turning 15 on august 19th (4 months!). I'm from a town in new york called suffern. It's peacful here in the suburbs. I go to suffern high school. Being a freshmen isn't exactly the worst thing in the world, but I think out of everyone I had the worst time adjusting.
I think people percive me as perfect or very close to it. This is not true. Yes, I am pretty. True, I have an amazing boyfriend and lots of "friends". I am very greatful for these things. What people don't know is that things weren't always like this. I've been threw more then you would ever belive. Cutting, eating disorders, sexual abuse, depression, anxiousness. All of wich have made me stronger.
I still cut. I can't imagine dealing with problems any other way. It used to be really bad. My right arm was just scraches up and down. Now my arm is scars up and down. Scars on top of scars. I don't do that much to conceal them. I used to cover them up, but it's to much to deal with in the summer. People can think what they want.
I still have various eating disorders. I'll stave myself for days on end then eat twice my body weight in ben & jerrys. Belimia isn't an issue anymore. It hasn't been for about a month. It's gross and didn't help me loose any weight at all.
In december I was raped and in the forth grade I was sexually abused. Both times by my uncle. In the forth grade he was just my aunts fiance. I told my mother what had happened. She confronted him and he bull shitted his way out of it. A year later him and my aunt were married. Now they have a son and live just a block away from me. I still love my aunts dearly and their son jack almost makes it all worth it. As for my uncle I hope he dies asap.
Depression is something I've had for about a year now. It's hard to explain. Sometimes I'll get really sad for no apprent reason. I go to a doctor named Arlene Scwartz. She helps me with it. I think alot of my depression comes from what happened with my uncle and I just need to forgive, but never forget. My dad has depression as well. I guess it runs in my family? My dad used to take medicine for it. Then he got into accident with a machine at work. He severed 75% of his finger. He says he wouldn't of gotten into the accident if it hadn't been for the medicine cause he looked on the container and it said "careful while handling machinery". So now my dad doesn't take medicine anymore. He was a lot nicer on the medince. Because of the accident I'm not allowed to get medicine cause my parents are afraid it'll fuck me up like it did to my dad. Not being able to get medicine blows the big one cause I need another form of treatment besides therepy.
The whole anxiousness thing ties in wich depression. I go threw periods were all I do is worry and sweat and I get all shaky and its hard to breathe. It's the worst feeling in the world. I start to cry at random things and I'll get a feeling that someone close to me is dead. It's horrible, but it doesn't happen so much anymore. Thank god.
So thats all the bad stuff. Heres whats good.
I have a large group of friends. I'm the kind of person that can easily go from group to group. My two best friends are rebecca and arianna. We've been friends since the forth grade.
Rebecca: dark brown hair, tan, pretty, skinny. We share the same sence of humor and the same lack of common sence. We compete a lot and I know theres a lot of jealously between us, but I love her all the same.
Arianna: pin straight blonde hair, very light skin, on the chubby side, pretty face. I have no idea why I ever became friends with her. Were complete oppisites. She is constanly trying to help people and make sure everyone is happy. I'm the kind of person who laughs when someone falls (even though I know I should help them pick up their books). Complete oppisites. Arianna tries hard in school and is a solid b-student. If I tried as hard as her I'd probably get As, but no I'm lazy. She plays lacrosse. She is a spoiled only child and she knows it. She tries so hard so that everyone will like her, wich oddly enough makes me want to not like her. Ironic, no? She gets very offended even at constructive critism. This doesn't stop me from telling her that shes an ass-kisser to both her parents. Wich she is and I think thats sad. No point in sucking up the people who ruing your life. All the same gotta love her.
What I don't like about rebecca and arianna is that they're so sheltered. When they found out I was cutting they both thought it was for attention. They just don't understand life outside of jap-ville suffern. Neither of them have experienced anything worse then say, oh, getting an F on a test. What a travisty.
My other close friend is Alisha. I've been friends with Alisha on and off for about two years. She is a charecter. Loud, rich, pretty, funny, lies, slutty. Words can't explain this girl. She just wants to have fun. Oh, and she has fun. Gets drunk. Has sex. Does whatever the hell she wants. Then theres another side of her that would help anybody wanna stay strong. When I told her I was raped she was there.
Then theres Holly. Holly cuts 2. Holly is popular. Holly seems perfect like me, but shes not. Shes the kind of friend I go to with anything. Usually when I go to her with something shes going threw it 2 or already has gone threw it. I love her shes great.
Holly has two other friends I've become pretty close with: Kaity and Taylor. Both or popular and ugly. Kaity is funny, sarcastic and laid-back. She sits behind me in math. Taylor is annoying, energetic, and ditzy. She sits behind me in english. Shes allways singing some random song that was popular in the 80s. So weird.
Then I have a whole group of friends that I met in science : Lou, Angela, Melissa, & Anne Marie. They are all "ghetto" or w/e you call it. Lou is a gentle giant. He is very tall and skinny but the sweetest person I have ever met. Angela is a very interesting person. She is very sexual. She will tap me on my back durning science and then when I turn around she'll tell me about how she was riding her dildo durning the weekend or something. She's also a bisexual and has told me she's attracted to me. No thanks. Melissa is athetic and slutty. She is a very smart girl but she doesn't seem to do good in school. She just doesn't try. She also has a good sence of humor. Anne Marie is anerexic and she ice-skates. Shes very girly and often bitchy. I think it's because she's hungry.
Marissa is one of my "friends". See, I have friends then I have "friends". Marissa talks behind my back, but then when I see her she acts like nothing is wrong. Marissa has opinions on things she knows nothing about. She has a lot of "friends", but no friends. I can see why. She is very whiney as well. She has an obsession with this druggy named Matt. He is a homosexual..literally. She knows this, but refuses to belive. She is supposedly in "love" with matt. Marissa is ugly and I do not like her, but nobody else does either so no sence in dropping her. That'd be mean and it wouldn't work.
I'm forgetting a lot of people, but I really don't wanna write about my friends anymore cause I'm dying to tell you about my boyfriend.
My boyfriend's name is Jeff. He is the best person I have ever met in my life. He looks like donnie darko. Before we went out he was one of my best friends. He sits in front of me in history and we have spanish and gym together. He noticed the cuts on my arms one day and decied he was going to help me, even though he didn't know me. Isn't that the most amazingly amazing thing ever? This kid saved me. He is in a metal band and hangs out with a lot of the punkish people. He is popular with everyone. Well, not teachers, but thats okay. I love this kid. He truly saved me. Everybody wants to be saved. His smile brings me to my knees. Especially if I'm the one making him smile.
One last person I need to introduce you 2 and then I'm done. His name is Mike. Mike is tall and big. Not fat, but big. He's also really white and doesn't tan, just burns. Mike put me threw hell. I was obsessed with this kid. I would think about him constantly. He'd say he'd like me then next thing I knew he was dating this girl named emily. Emily has a fucked up nose. He cheated on emily with me. He made me cut myself. He told people I cut. He talked about me. He LIED to me. He said he loved me. This kid put me threw hell, but I loved him anyway. I hate him and I hope he dies.
Okay I'm done. Will write again asap.